In the world of life coaching, the focus is often on the individual client—helping them identify their goals, overcome personal obstacles, and pursue the life they desire. This individualised approach, while empowering, often overlooks a crucial aspect of the client’s life: their relationships with family, partners, spouses, and friends. The decisions and changes a client makes under the guidance of a coach do not exist in a vacuum; they can have a profound ripple effect on the people around them. This impact is frequently ignored in the coaching process, leading to unintended consequences that can strain or even damage relationships.
The Entitlement Trap: “You Deserve Whatever You Desire”
A common message in coaching is that individuals are entitled to whatever they desire—whether it’s career success, financial abundance, or personal happiness. Coaches often encourage clients to pursue their dreams with a sense of entitlement, reinforcing the idea that they deserve to live their best life, no matter the cost. While this message can be motivating, it can also be problematic when it ignores the broader context of the client’s life, including their responsibilities and relationships.
Entitlement, when taken too far, can lead clients to make decisions that prioritise their desires over the needs and well-being of those around them. For example, a client may be encouraged to pursue a career change, a significant financial investment, or a drastic lifestyle shift without considering how these choices will affect their partner, children, or close friends. This can create tension, resentment, and conflict within relationships, as the people closest to the client may feel neglected, undervalued, or even betrayed by these decisions.
The Ripple Effect: Relationships Under Strain
Every action a client takes has a ripple effect on their relationships. When a coach tells a client that they are entitled to whatever they desire, it can inadvertently encourage a sense of selfishness or disregard for the impact of their actions on others. This is particularly concerning when the client is already feeling low, unfulfilled, or frustrated with their current life situation. In these states, clients may be more susceptible to making impulsive decisions or adopting a mindset that prioritises their desires over their existing commitments and relationships.
For example, a client who feels dissatisfied with their career might be encouraged by a coach to quit their job and pursue a passion project, without fully considering the financial implications for their family. A client who feels unfulfilled in their marriage might be urged to seek personal happiness at the expense of working through relationship challenges. In both cases, the coach’s well-intentioned advice could lead to significant disruptions in the client’s personal life, causing harm to those who depend on them emotionally or financially.
The fallout from such decisions can be severe. Relationships can deteriorate, families can experience financial strain, and friendships can be lost. What may start as an empowering journey for the client can quickly become a source of stress and hardship for those around them. Coaches who fail to consider the broader impact of their advice are not only doing a disservice to their clients but also to the people who are indirectly affected by the coaching process.
The Ethical Responsibility of Coaches: Balancing Empowerment with Accountability
Coaches have a responsibility to help their clients achieve their goals, but this should not come at the expense of the client’s relationships and responsibilities. It is essential for coaches to recognise that their advice and guidance can have far-reaching consequences, and they must approach their work with a sense of ethical responsibility.
Part of this responsibility includes encouraging clients to consider the impact of their decisions on others. Coaches should guide clients in reflecting on how their actions will affect their loved ones and encourage them to communicate openly with those who may be impacted by their choices. This not only fosters a more holistic approach to personal growth but also helps clients make decisions that are sustainable and considerate of their broader life context.
Moreover, coaches should avoid fostering a sense of entitlement that disconnects clients from the realities of their lives. While it’s important to empower clients to pursue their goals, this should be balanced with an understanding of the practical and relational consequences of their actions. True empowerment comes not just from achieving personal desires but from doing so in a way that enhances rather than diminishes the client’s relationships and responsibilities.
Coaching with a Broader Perspective
The impact of coaching extends beyond the individual client. Coaches must be aware of the ripple effect their guidance can have on the client’s family, partners, and friends. By focusing solely on the client’s desires and entitlements, coaches risk encouraging decisions that can harm relationships and create unnecessary conflict.
Ethical coaching requires a broader perspective—one that considers not just the client’s immediate goals but also the well-being of those connected to them. By fostering a balanced approach that combines personal empowerment with accountability and relational consideration, coaches can help clients achieve their goals in a way that is both fulfilling and respectful of the lives they touch.
In the end, coaching should not be about entitlement to whatever one desires, but about helping clients navigate their lives with integrity, responsibility, and a deep understanding of the interconnectedness of their actions and relationships.