Religion and spirituality have long existed as pathways for people seeking meaning, growth, and connection. But when you take a closer look, there’s a clear gender divide: traditional religion has been overwhelmingly male-dominated, while modern spirituality is largely marketed to women. This goes beyond just leadership roles—it shapes the way people justify their actions and how personal growth is perceived, particularly when it comes to relationships and self-fulfilment.
Religion: A Bloke’s Authority Structure
Christianity, like many other major religions, has always been run by blokes. God is called Father, priests and religious leaders are mostly men, and power is passed down through patriarchal structures. Women, on the other hand, have traditionally been expected to play the supportive role—whether as mums, wives, or nuns.
Religious teachings bang on about duty, sacrifice, and suffering being noble pursuits. A bloke who leaves his family in the middle of a midlife crisis is widely condemned. He’s seen as irresponsible, selfish, and immature—a bloke who walked away from his commitments, leaving his wife and kids behind to chase something new. In the religious framework, stability, responsibility, and sacrifice are virtues, leaving little space for personal reinvention at the expense of others.
Spirituality: A Market for Female Empowerment
While traditional religion has often kept women in a submissive role, modern spirituality has taken a different approach—it sells empowerment directly to them. Today’s spiritual movements are packed with female “gurus” offering courses, retreats, and coaching programs that revolve around self-discovery, higher consciousness, and manifestation. The language is soft, welcoming, and emotionally appealing, promising freedom and growth while subtly pushing the pursuit of personal desires.
Spirituality allows for fluidity. Instead of strict rules and external authorities, it focuses on inner wisdom, intuition, and personal evolution. This framework has become particularly powerful when it comes to relationship breakdowns.
Think about it: when a bloke in his forties ditches his wife for a younger woman, he’s still seen as a selfish homewrecker—someone who couldn’t handle the responsibilities of adulthood. But when a woman does the same thing under the banner of spiritual awakening, the story changes. Suddenly, she’s outgrowing her marriage, manifesting a higher path, stepping into her power. What was once condemned as abandoning one’s responsibilities is now framed as an act of self-discovery and empowerment.
The Spiritual Rebrand of Self-Interest
A phrase that sums this up perfectly is: “I just want to live a more spiritual life.” On the surface, it sounds noble, even inspiring. But what does it actually mean? More often than not, it’s code for wanting more. More freedom, more pleasure, more experiences, more financial security—without the constraints of responsibility, duty, or past commitments. Modern spirituality has become a way to justify chasing whatever one desires while avoiding guilt and accountability.
Unlike traditional religion, which demands sacrifice and self-discipline, modern spirituality reframes self-expansion as the ultimate goal. Leaving a marriage isn’t framed as abandoning a partner—it’s framed as necessary growth. Seeking a better life, regardless of the impact on others, isn’t seen as indulgent—it’s aligning with one’s highest self.
The result? The same actions that would have been condemned when done by a bloke in a midlife crisis are now celebrated when done by a woman under the label of spiritual empowerment.
A Convenient Escape from Accountability
That’s not to say that growth, transformation, or change aren’t valid. People do evolve, and sometimes relationships no longer work. But the problem is in the framing. The glorification of personal expansion, when it’s used to justify hurting others, is no different from the selfishness traditionally linked to the male midlife crisis.
The key difference is perception. A man chasing youth and freedom is called out for it, while a woman doing the same thing under the banner of spiritual empowerment is often admired. But at the core, both are acting on the same impulse—the desire to prioritise themselves over their past commitments.
If spirituality was truly about depth and authenticity, it would encourage self-reflection, accountability, and an awareness of how one’s choices impact others. But in its current, commercialised form, it often acts as an escape route—allowing people to dress up their self-interest as enlightenment while avoiding the judgment they might otherwise face.
Two Justifications for the Same Behaviour
Religion, for all its flaws, has been built on structure, duty, and accountability—values that, while restrictive, provide a counterbalance to unchecked self-interest. Spirituality, as it’s often marketed today, offers the opposite: the promise of limitless personal expansion without moral or social constraints.
In the end, the gender divide between religion and spirituality reveals more than just different belief systems—it shows how the same actions can be framed in completely different ways depending on who is doing them and how they choose to justify their choices. When stripped of its sugar-coated language, modern spirituality often isn’t a path to enlightenment—it’s just a more socially acceptable way to put oneself first.
And maybe, that’s the real lesson: not that one path is necessarily better than the other, but that at the end of the day, self-interest—no matter how it’s dressed up—always looks better when it’s framed as something noble.